HI! Dear Soul, Good to hear from you...Welcome to the MidWeek Call IN!
It's you alone on the call today? I don't hear your lover..


"Yes, but that is fine.. he had a thing at work he could not get away from but he said that
he wanted to...and really sounded like he meant it, that amazes me too."

"Oh my GOD, Luanna! I thought I knew my husband, er, lover, so well.... that I knew all
there was to know about him. Choosing to see him differently has really started opening
my eyes to so many things about him that I just was not seeing at all. I've been doing all
this work so far and I can't believe how much progress is made in so little time. The stuff
I've been learning is in this coaching but it hadn't somehow gotten through to me, or come
together for me like this...

Was I just blind to it??"


Nope. You just had your glasses on. Your own perception glasses. At the time, back then,
you were unwilling to see past them.

"Back then? This was as much as two hours and twenty minutes ago! "

Ah, yes but we are now in the present moment. Right? Time is relative man made useful
invention and we can use it to help us in our thinking... yes, Back then.. makes it a much
smaller deal doesn't it?

"Yes, it does...I am going to have to think about that one... will you send it to me?"

Sure... About the glasses... Your own perception glasses... It wasnt that you were blind or
not able to see the truth about him, more that you were having trouble experiencing it. It
may just have been easier working from your own perception and assumptions back then.
It seems you have taken them off those glasses all together now though!?

"Yeah, I really did. I really really did "

Looks different now, doesnt it? Chuckle. Dear Soul, This is great... We can move on from
here... and play with this if you like! Wooohooo even.

(Silence... stretching... stretching..... stretching.... )

Dear Soul? Seriously, Congratulations! This is great news. This is a bit of enlightenment...
you are becoming enlightened - having the light shone on your own responsibility in your
relationship, en-lighten-ed up of the burden you were laying down on it without even
knowing it. Feels good, doesnt it, or does it?

"Yes, it does feel good, but now I feel a bit stupid for not seeing it before."

Ah, but look at you rocking on in your practice of loving yourself! It seems to me that you
are doing a great job of taking the time to be aware of how you are feeling. As far
as feeling stupid, who has any control over that? .

"Me, I do. oh man.. this is all starting to come together... wow.

Yes, you are right,You and you alone do. It is cool to watch it all come together for you.
Tell me, would you have done differently if you had seen things this way before?"

"Yes, I mean I think, so ... sure . yeah I would have done differently oh my god... that big
fight that time when I ..... um yes, I get the point... Its better not to beat up on myself
for not seeing it before, just be grateful that I see it now... "

Yes, LOL, At least now you can do something about it... cause this particular aspect is ALL
under YOUR control. You chose to see differently.. and now... well...
Let me think a moment. I have something to say here and I want to get it right...
There is an old saying:

'First we chop wood and carry water, then enlightenment, then we chop wood and carry
water,(only a little bit differently.)

"Um, HUH?"

That may not be an exact quote, but interestingly.. notice what makes the difference in ' a
bit differently.'What makes the difference ? I think it is gratitude and seeing the love.
We appreciate the sound of the water splashing in the bucket, the moisture in the air
because of it, the light glinting off the water, the feel of the bucket handle in our hand,
the muscles working for the heft of it.
Takes tooo long to talk about all you are grateful for now that you see differently, so you
just experience it and store the joy to let it be savored when there is more time.

However here and now, in the coming present moments, when you are still chopping wood
and carrying water... going about "the same old same old of life," there will still be life
stuff to deal with. But, if you take the time to see all the wonders that will unfold when
you look at your lover differently.. and write them down in your gratitude journal you will
be building a bridge over that indifference that was numbing your feelings--- back to the
love you both want. Building bridges and stokeing the romance at the same time. I told you
this course was intense. Writing it down is important, you will see why... in fun ways...
later. ROCK ON.. DEAR SOUL ! You just have just shared a terrific shift in perception!
Want to build on it?

"Um yes, um... YES, REALLY yes! OH,damn.... "YES , HELL YES!" lolol. This 'degree of
what you are feeling' thing felt so stupid when I first started it but now... especially in
the bedroom...wow.
I get now what you were doing ... and by proxy what WE were doing in making a choice to
do the excercises that seemed so simple they couldn't possibly help."

This is terrific how things are falling into place for you! Building on this... If you get a
minute in the day, in some sweet surprising way tell your lover one of the things you
noticed about him that surprised you and delighted you. You could maybe do a note in his
lunch, or on the fridge, maybe taped to his favorite beverage of choice when he gets home,
or in his sock drawer, or the steering wheel of his car... one of the 'quick touch base calls'
you have been doing during the week. Surprise him in fun ways with a snippet out of your
journal. You have been doing this, but it has been pretty much going through the motions if
I understand you correctly.

"Yes it was a willingness to think and feel differently and going through the motions until
it happened... "Like fake it until you make it." That didn't make much sense to me really
before now... well, it did but not like actually feeling it."

Lets see what comes up for you if you want to show him you really mean it now. You
COULD always tell him, or show him first and then tell him, you make the presentation of
your new feelings to him pretty, or noticeable to him... get creative if you want to.

Oh, before I forget... I got an ego moment for you if you want it. ( pause)

"Sure, yeah, I mean, yes please. lol"

If you happen come across the notion that "HAH, he should have corrected you in your
thinking!" The ego so likes to shift things to be someone elses fault when the best that you
can hope for is it is shared responsibility ....

You can stop the ego in its tracks with the counter notion that
'It was easier for him to let me just think the way I did, rather than take the time and
effort to say .. "HEY!, That is NOT who I am, you DON'T always know how I think!" He
may not have had the words. He may have wanted to have sex again sometime this life time.
And perhaps he just was trying to keep the peace. Maybe he didn't trust his emotions at
that point and decided to take break from the fight to stop it. We may never know, Ego,
unless I ask him and he chooses to tell me... but what matters is what I do or don't do in
this situation because my behavior is the only behavior I have control of. Thank you, Ego..
good bye"

"Hah, you DON'T pull any punches do you, and you really call it like you see it, but you
are not harsh about it... letting my ego speak out loud for what points you were trying to
make. "

Points? I thought I was giving you counter ideas for your ego to think over when it comes
around saying "It really is all his fault cause he should have corrected me when I assumed
or judged him and he didn'tcorrect me, so its his fault." I am sure you see the
irrationality in that thought but the ego specializes in irrationality. If you give ego
counter thoughts it helps silence the voice. Points... Silence with reflection, Nope, My only
point was to have an answer for the ego up by opening up possibilites. What were you
referring to?

Silence.

Um, Pause, "I really did withhold sex from him, I just thought I wasn't in the mood, but I
see now, that I was pissed that he wasn't what I wanted him be. That was one of the
things on his list that I thought he was wrong about. I didnt think about it as withholding
sex, I just thought he should respect my moods."

Ok, wow, that is question only you could answer from within yourself the with holding of
sex. The universe is really working with you today powerfully for you to see that truth
for yourself. You might want to explore that just a bit more in your reflections journal...
is it true, is it really true, inquire, turn it around... the forgiveness work involved. For you
and for him.. and let it go ... Wow.. you really have been doing your processes! Rock on...

Dear Soul, There is good reason he would do well to be respecting your moods, and You his
moods as well, enough to understand that they are the occasional call outs for some love
and approval. Those "moods" happen less when we love ourselves and use HALT and
forgiveness and reflection and are scrupulously honest with ourselves.
Being able to love yourself allows you to not take it personally if he doesn't respond to
your mood call for love. Or, if he denys wanting or needing love or approval when he is in
a mood. When you have these tools you are able to get your own self back to feeling good.
It keeps you from making each other miserable.

"Yeah, I see that now. .It really does feed off each other doesnt it, The Triad of HOT
Monogamy" The names you came up with..." ( pause)

YES, well when I come up with a better one I will use it lololol. It does save on having to
say the whole thing over again every time.
Love Yourself Fully so you can Love your Lover Fully. Wasn't that some fun to work on?

Yes, it got to be a lot of fun, it was a bit awkward at first but it could have been so much
more awkward if you weren't so matter of fact about things. I appreciated that about
you.

Hey, thanks .. you have really been doing the appreciation work... I take that is going well
for the two of you too?
More than you know ... we're gonna talk to you about that on Friday...

Yup sounds like you have really been making progress on Relationship Optimization...
Do the Relationship work on building love and the seeing of each other differently, etc.,
why? cause if 'no one is getting along ain't no one getting on'
And the Sacred Sex.. well that is just the whole reason for all of it working.. the spiritual
sexuality fuels the whole process... as the LOVE in it Fuels the whole Process..
The Triad of Hot Monogamy is just short hand. Did you have a better name for it... if you
come up with one..let me know! LOLOL. I am looking forward to your agenda for Friday!!

LOL me too we are still working on it. Adding, Deleting things... yes well Friday for that.

Dear Soul, before we leave this.... About that whole in the mood thing.... apart from the
occasional really being sick or exhausted, which get to be less if we are loving ourselves
more. That whole mood thing.... Got another Ego Moment for you... want it?
Yes, yes , please ...

It is my understanding that the ego delights in setting up seperateness in the name of
loving ourselves, then it gets to throw a pity party later when one is alone-- and one will
be alone because that behavior doesn't create "party down with this person" feelings, or
even wanting to be around you or your lover. Whereas taking responsibility for your own
feelings... now there is some place you can work things out. Cool Ego, huh? For wanting to
throw the pity party-- can you see the planning going into that... yeah... the HagenDaz, the
bourbon or Grey Goose, the sleeping in sweats for a week, the grumpy gus growling.
Thanks Ego, No thanks...you can leave now...

" I can't believe I am saying this but I am getting to love those ... "beware the ego
moments and yet thank the ego", for showing me truths, and then inviting it to leave now.
I spent so much time and energy fighting my ego.
Oh my GOD. So much energy we spent in our relationship, fighting ourselves and each
other, I need to sit down."

You OK? Good. Yeah sometimes it happens that way, you get a blinding flash of insight and
it illuminates a whole lot of truth at once. Its awesome when you get past it being a bit
new and pretty big.

"lololol "its kind of awesome now!" Oh my God," Literally.... oh my God."

LOLOL YES Great! ... I am sure your angels are doing the Happy Dance, too! That is
wonderful... take some of that awesome, stretch it out for yourself... store some inside ...
let it wash away the residual places of resentment you told me you were carrying. It
makes it harder for the resentment ever to come back. Kind of like dusting with furniture
spray, puts a protective coating on furniture and makes it easier to dust the next time.

"Thats cool.. the furniture thing... I just can't believe I didn't see this before now... its
so clear to me now. It seems so simple now... why didn't I see this before? UM, wait... I
can be grateful for now... "

Rock on girl, seriously good 'switcheroo' there. Not the ususal beat up on yourself mode
but "switcheroo! what am I grateful for here too?" Goofy name but great tool.

"Got an ego moment for me here? I can see my thoughts wanting to sneak attack me on
that one. That fight was so huge, and all because of me not wanting to see past my
perceptions... "

Sure! So, I will ask you again... Tell me, would you have done different if you had seen
things this way before? AH , but ... You did already answer that, you see how you will
handle it differently in the future?

"MMMM hmmm.. yes and I am making that part of Fridays agenda too. Yeah I did think
about that and yes, if I could have done better I would have. I just feel horrible about
my part in that huge fight, I am going to apologize to him, I hope he doesnt faint. lol"

LOLOl I think he can handle it. Do you feel the love in apologizing sincerely? Again you
did the best you could at the time and are you now seeing how perception glasses behavior
affected others and seeking to make restitution where necessary plays a role in loving
yourself and others unless it becomes a tool to beat yourself up with?

"Yes... Yes, I do... "

As to your concern about ego sneaking up on you...I am not sure it is an ego moment... but
it may be of some comfort to know that we all do the perception glasses thing to everyone
in our lives until we see differently. Your lover is exceptional but not the exception on
that one, neither of you are. It gets to be where it just doesnt feel right to look at people
like you used to, once you have gotten out of the habit of wearing those glasses.

We are all doing the best we can... yes, with the.....( deep breath) where the client filled
in-- "wisdom"
and the... "knowledge"
and the..... "experience"
LOLOL yes, that "we have at the time." (in unison) LOL

Also, this may be helpful to you... There is a phrase I love.. "I will not be upset for the
years the locust have eaten" Wait.... I know, "HUH?' I love your "HUHs! " LOLOLOL I
always explain off the wall kinds of things... but it is so fun to hear you say "HUH?"

Laughing.Thanks for the appreciation ! "So what is this about locust?"

Picture a field of corn ... now all the work the farmer has done to bring this amazing corn
into being. The tilling, the planting, the weeding, the figuring out the crop rotation cause
he noticed the beans he planted next to them helped the corn to grow better and stronger,
now he rotates the crops and all of them do better. Better together. All of this work in
cooperation with nature cause God is still in charge of the rain and the sun. There is a
reason the farmers are close to God often.... and that the Bible Belt sprung up where alot
of farming took place. So the Crops are looking good, the wheat is vital & fertile --next
years crop is also in that field, and profits will be rolling in.

Then maybe, the next week, the wind shifts and with it comes a swarm of locust... they are
Hungry Bugs, they eat a path a mile wide through the fields you have worked so hard on.
Its enough to make you sit down and cry. Do so and get it over with. ... But if everything
happens...

" In Divine Right Order" ... chuckle... yes. Then there is reason for it, see how you can
rearrange your plans, and your crops and pull it together in a new way.... the universe and
the game are AFOOT! There is a mystery to be solved, ..... or not.

"or not" sometimes we spend more time than we need to looking for the reasons WHY...
when we could choose to move forward and see what happens from here with the conscious
intent to continue to see differently. Choice again. Like you said to us before, "It keeps
from wallowing and gives more energy to the solution."

Yes. Perhaps you needed that big fight to lift the glasses off your nose... do you think so?
Think how to make it funny, so its smaller and doesnt hurt so much. That helps. Ask if it is
true.. Was it a big fight? The fight wasn't terminal, so how big was it? What damage was
actually done that the two of you cannot consciously undo? It is in the past in any case...
and if you could have done better you would have. I am confident that you will come up
with a powerful way to show him your feelings have changed.

"Yeah, yes.. I really see that no damage was done that we cannot consciously undo ... with
the Heart Talks and the Loving Means Learning... oh my God this is awesome."

Wow what a great check in call! Light bulbs going off for you all over the place today.
WOW,.... This has been really fun. You have an idea how to show him?

"Yes I do ... in a way HE will LOVE! This LOVE LIFE COACHING is
amazing. You don't charge enough, you know?"

Yep, I know. LOL. But then you wouldnt be here learning and growing and turning your
life together around, would you?
Just, if you would, tell your friends and neighbors about Love Life Coaching when they
start asking "hey,.. what is up with the two of you!?" And they will, eventually.

"Yeah I remember you saying, 'You don't even have to say a thing ... its an energy thing..
they will notice.' , I'm thinking you are right about that one too. I can see them looking at
us differently already but no one has asked yet. That alone the looking at us differently
is pretty crazy wonderful, Luanna, Thank you."

You're welcome... and thank you, too. Why?

"LOLOL. Yes, Yes, because, I made the choice to agree to the coaching. I made the choice
to see differently and do the stupid exercises.. um, when I thought they were stupid. ... so
yes, it wasn't all you,... its sort of powerful that you point that out."

Wow . Well, yes but you are the first to really say that to me, to so its sort of powerful
for you to notice. Thanks for that.. here's the thing... I can be a bit intense... and what
that does for me and for you guys is it turns the power of the coaching relationship back
where it belongs... within all of us. 'I am not the guru on the mountain I am the way shower
on the path right there with you."

"Yeah. You do know, don't you? I thot I had some idea what you were talking about when
I read that at your site, not really, but I get it now. Luanna Thank You. And You're
welcome. chuckle. "He is going to so love this surprise. I will just show him, tell him later.

Thank you! 'See' you again soon, this has been awesome. You can always tell him later
after you have shown him awhile, May I use this conversation in promoting my coaching?

"Yes, I think so, just dont use our names, we're pretty private people. Oh , I need to ask
my lover about it too. Tell you Friday for sure. ... no names.... Maybe use that "Dear Soul"
thing you do. LOLOL I am starting to get that too. This is awesome."

Thanks so much. AND COOL on consciously including your lover! Friday then?
"Yes. Wait until I tell my ...lover tonight about some of this... and show him too!"

He won't know what hit him, go easy on the guy... LOLOLOL.

"Yeah right,he WON'T... but he will LOVE IT! LOLOL talk to you Friday. I gotta go get
set up. Thanks again, Bye now!"
Bye for now.. have fun!